Consecration Day

Today is the day I have been longing for.  Like the woman holding out her hand and struggling to grasp the hem of his garment, I long to grab hold of something new, something deeper.  I was shopping all Sunday afternoon and kept feeling our mother calling me whispering that it wasn’t important to find a blue dress.  I felt a deep longing to connect with her on this last day of study before my consecration to her. 

I re-read what I had read in exhaustion the night before and felt the warmth of her arms when I prayed the Ten Evangelical Virtues of the BVM.  I also prayed the Chaplet of Divine Mercy.  I long to see her, to be consumed by her love, and to feel the warmth of her sweetness as she draws near when I pray or study about her.

I still hear her whispered affirmation, “If only you knew how much you were loved.”  Her sweetness is heady, almost a dizzying consummation of my inner being.  I want to know how much I am loved.  Show me my loving mother.  As I consecrate myself to you let me enter into that mystery.  Let me exist in that increased knowing that you love me, discovering more each day how much you love me and how much I am loved by your Son.

I did not learn how to be merciful to myself as I never experienced that growing up.  I need to learn how to sit and let myself be loved.  I need to live in the unknown of those sweet words, “If only you knew how much you are loved.”   I can sink into that mystery and lose all sense of time. 

I am eager to make this consecration to you and to have you show me how to get closer to your Son.  Lead me to the foot of the cross, my mother, and embrace me now and always. 

“If only you knew how much you were loved.”  Let that be the eternal mystery of my soul, searching and seeking living water.  I need living water in my parched heart and I long to find the source of the water that this parched soul needs to flourish and grow.    

Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.  I do not know how much I am loved.  I am afraid of how my life may change but you are always leading me to your Son.  With my hands shaking and much uncertainty, I consecrate myself to you saying, “Show me, loving Mother, how much I am loved.  I am fearful because much will change when I am consumed by unrelenting, all-consuming love.  Show me and I will know.  Place me in your heart and open my eyes so I can see how much I am loved, today and always.”